I swear, I did not make ANY of this up.
Sunday night is apparently the biggest night in music. It’s Grammy night. It’s always a pretty confusing night, because without fail, there’s always about ten songs/artists/albums that are nominated that are completely confounding.
This year is no exception: Kid Rock is nominated for two Grammys. That’s right, Bob “Bawitdaba” Ritchie has apparently found his way back into the good graces of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences for the first time since his nomination in 2000 for “American Bad Ass.” I’m pretty sure the fact that Kid Rock is a five-time anything (trailer owner? hepatitis patient?) is enough to discount the entire ceremony… but I digress.
Kid's nominated against Coldplay, Kings of Leon, Metallica, and the Raconteurs. Yes, all of those bands are nominated in the same category: the vague umbrella of Best Rock Album. This, it can be said, is dumb. None of those bands are even remotely close in style. Having them nominated in the same category is dumb. It's like comparing apples to... people who decide to name their child Apple.
There’s a pretty good chance that Coldplay is going to take home the Record, Song, and Album of the Year for Viva la Vida (and it’s corresponding album). This is actually fine with me; even though I feel like M.I.A.’s “Paper Planes” was a better nominee in Record of the Year, and I’m never gonna pick against Radiohead for anything, I’m just relieved that “Viva la Vida” doesn’t sound like “Speed of Sound,” which sounds a bit like a slowed-down “Clocks.” Besides, it’s a marked improvement over these songs, all of which have nominated in the past:
Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" (to spell out fruit, is to be nominated for a Grammy)
Nickelback's "How You Remind Me" (apparently nominating Kid Rock in both 1999 and 2000 set a dangerous precedent) EDIT (Kristina): This, however, IS a sign of the apocalypse. See below.
Hanson's "MMMBop" (live on the Wayne Brady show! Yes! Anyway, mmmbop, ba ba du bop, du ba da ba du bop, da ba du, yeah, yeah. Record of the Year nominee. First sign of the apocalypse.) EDIT (Kristina): I still love Taylor Hanson, and have this song on my iPod. I disagree with this being a sign of the apocalypse.
Paula Cole's "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" (and, I confess, I guiltily like this song. A good amount, actually. But it seems absolutely ridiculous to try and nominate it for "Record of the Year." For the record, same year as "MMMBop.")
Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings" (really?)
I'm gonna cut this off: Wayne Brady is actually nominated for a Grammy this year too. I'm so far from kidding about this. Are they just giving away these things like candy? Where can I sign up?
James Gallagher, Grammy-nominated artist and blogger: great business card, or the GREATEST business card?
Katy Perry's opus to same-sex lip lock is also a Grammy nominee for "Best Female Pop Vocal Performance," which is just, uhh, great. I'm sure most of you have heard "I Kissed a Girl," so I have absolutely no intention of posting it here, but, umm, she kind of took a liberal approach to the idea of pitch, didn't she?
And, like seemingly everybody else on the planet, the academy loved Lil Wayne. Eight nominations. Frankly, I don't really get it. I'm actually a big fan of rappers with distinct vocal stylings (you've heard both Kristina and I rave about Aesop Rock, and I'd also count Del the Funkee Homosapien, Busdriver, etc.), but in my humble opinion, his voice is cringe-worthy. Him being more talented than a good majority of current rappers is kind of irrelevant when he sounds like he's swimming in a bottle of cough syrup (which is completely possible).
And really, how much of an accolade is it to say that Lil Wayne is better than someone whose brilliant idea for a rap name was to take the word Florida and split it in half?
For the record, Flo Rida is also nominated for two Grammys. Sigh.
I will say this though: I'll probably be watching for a couple of reasons, one of them actually being Lil Wayne. With eight nominations, he's bound to win a couple of times. One sort-of well-known fact about Weezy is that he's crazy (not crazy as in he's incredible so much as crazy as in, he's mentally insane). If being in New York City for the past three semesters of college has taught me anything, it's that crazy people should always be given opportunities to speak.
Prepare for the best acceptance speech(es?) of your life.
In addition, the performances. The following quote is blatantly ripped from Pitchfork:
"Billboard reports (and the show's website confirms) that M.I.A. has been added to the already-jammed roster of performers at this Sunday's Grammy Awards telecast... But, uh, M.I.A. is nine months pregnant, and she reported in a MySpace blog post last year that her baby is actually due on Grammy night. This leaves a possibility that M.I.A. will give birth onstage."
CAN YOU IMAGINE?! Mid-performance of Paper Planes: All I wanna do is *gunshot* *gunshot* *gunshot* *water breaks*?! For the three people that are following this blog, if that happens, we retire. There will literally not be anything to write about EVER AGAIN.
Also, "Livin' la Vida Loca" was nominated for Record of the Year at the time of its release. But how relevant can an award ceremony named for a gramophone really be?