Wednesday, January 28, 2009

In which Scarlett Johansson does everything that she can to test my unconditional love for her.

One thing that needs to be known about me: I will often refer to my (love of/delusional marriage to) Scarlett Johansson. Certainly not because of her acting talent (because I saw The Spirit and several other terrible others)... but because, I mean, look at her. She's Scarlett Johansson. This is a person who put a used tissue up for auction for charity and had it raise over $5000... and when I heard the news, the price sounded COMPLETELY REASONABLE to me. For her, I would put out a hit on Ryan Reynolds and any other possible suitor. She is Scarlett Johansson, she is unbelievably attractive, she seems like a reasonably intelligent person, and that's all she needs to be.

However, she has decided to follow down the path that so many actors and actresses before her have taken, deciding to develop her music career. Ill-advised? Probably. Check out this kareoke clip from Lost in Translation.

Sidenote: Bill Murray's backup vocals are great.

Anyway, somewhere in the decision-making process, somebody apparently told her that her voice wouldn't really be great for singing her own songs. However, before that person could finish, I feel like Scarlett cut them off, suggested that she do covers, and ran away to record before anyone could tell her otherwise. Hence, her album of covers of this guy:

That, dear reader(s), is Tom Waits. As you might be able to tell from the picture, he is responsible for some terrifying music. The man's voice sounds like a pack of cigarettes personified. Seriously (and feel free to skip to the song about 45 seconds in if you must, though I recommend watching it just to get a feel for all that crazy):

Now, it seems inexplicable to me that she would pick Tom Waits as a person whose songs she thought she could do justice. It baffles me more that she actually decided to pick THAT SONG that the above video is for. And worst of all, I'm still trying to get over why her team of producers turned it into the dance music trainwreck of the finished product. I put it in the playlist at the bottom of the entry, and everyone should go down and listen to it now, then come back.

Hey again. Horrendous, right? And what exactly is going on with the weird synthesizers? This sounds like a less lively Ace of Base B-side.

But, this came out almost a year ago. The reason that I'm writing this is for something that showed up yesterday, as apparently for the soundtrack of her new movie, He's Just Not That Into You, someone let her off of her leash and allowed her to do yet another cover, this time of Jeff Buckley.

Somewhat ironically, Jeff Buckley's most well-known song is also a cover (of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah"). However, the major difference is that Jeff didn't decide to cover a song by someone with an unbelievable voice. Jeff Buckley, in fact, had an unbelievable voice.

Scarlett Johansson does not have an unbelievable voice.

Or, you can be the judge. Enclosed in the playlist is Jeff Buckley's original (which I wouldn't really count as one of my favorite Buckley songs, but still) and right here's the link to Scarlett's cover. At least her version is a full two minutes shorter?

In addition, the playlist has my actual favorite Jeff Buckley song, the creepiest Tom Waits... uhh, thing (I hesitate to call it a song) that I've ever heard, and two Ace of Base songs, because I strongly doubt that Ace of Base has gotten any love outside of Sweden in over ten years.

In conclusion, I would still pay over $5000 for a Scarlett Johansson tissue.


Get a playlist!
Standalone player
Get Ringtones

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

In which you, the reader, are now free to take my music as you see fit.

As Kristina mentioned last time, a major reason that we didn't post much over Christmas break was that we didn't have much procrastination fodder.

But, now I should be doing some Journalism homework. So, even though this isn't going to be a really substantial entry, hey!

Anyway, the real reason that I was writing was this:

Early on in the year, when I first got in to my dorm, I set my iTunes library to share within the twentysome-odd floors of Gramercy. I think the name I attached to it was something along the lines of "Jim from 1505 will burn you anything you want if you bring a blank cd to him."

Catchy. Probably a little bit of a grab for attention. Whatever.

Anyway, two days ago, somebody actually took me up on it, and, well, my roommate and I were pretty shocked to see that it had worked. So, inspired by this incident, and, again, grabbing for people to read the blog, I made a list of all the full albums on my computer through a couple of classes (some of which were a little embarrassing, but I'll still never apologize for them), and... well, here it is. Make a request in the comment section for this post (not the chatterbox, that's apparently reserved for some kind of unbelievably filthy dialogue between Kristina's friends), and I'll send whatever you want your way.

Oh, and read us. We like followers, too. I promise, there'll be an actual post from me pretty soon, possibly/probably on how irrelevant the Grammys are.

'til then,

EDIT: The list is now on the right-hand side of the page for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Blogging again! Also, Mickey Avalon might be a bigger fan of ladies' behinds than Sir Mix-A-Lot.

Okay. So. It’s about time we start updating this blog again. Allow me to explain and apologize: when I have nothing to procrastinate, I can’t do anything. Thus, I spent all Winter Break sleeping. But, now that I have work I should be doing, I need procrastination fodder. And that’s where this blog comes in! Readers, you can be sure that we’ll start updating now that we have things that we should be doing. And I even have something that I’d like to write about.

Mickey Avalon’s new music video.

It came out in December, but being a slacker, I didn’t find it until a couple of days ago. As you can see, this blog isn’t particularly concerned with timeliness, so I’ll be writing about it like it just came out yesterday. Also, there's some vulgarity present. Just so you know.

Many of you are familiar with Mr. Avalon, even though you might not know it. If we’re friends, I’ve probably forced his delightfulness upon you, and if we’re not, you might’ve heard his most popular song, “My Dick,” on Youtube or in Harold and Kumar 2: Escape from Guantanamo Bay, which might be the most ridiculous movie that ever existed. In any case, he possesses an interesting and unique take on hip-hop/rap: he glams it up and defies gender roles, subverting the traditional heterosexual emphasis found in most entries in the genre. His new song, “Fuckin’ Em All,” continues in this vein. I found it on his myspace page, but you can check out the whole thing on Youtube in all its glory (embedded here):

It starts with a scene from the movie Colors, or so Jim tells me, where two policemen discuss what must be a famous proverb or something. You can judge for yourself. The first note of the song coincides with a shot of Mr. Avalon’s lower abs in all of their tattooed glory, and the classiness quickly deteriorates. Let me give you a sample of his lyrical genius:

“Riddle me this, little bitches:
The Av’s on the market for a mistress.
And I could give a shit ‘bout the riches,
As long as she suck dick and do dishes.”

Well… on one hand, he’s not a gold digger. Maybe I’ll leave it at that. Though there’s no semblance of legitimacy to this new song, it’s still enjoyable: random deep-voiced “Ohhh”s and girly laughs peppered throughout the song add a giggle-factor, and there’s a pretty kickass guitar solo at the end of the song. Also, it has a lot of danceability. All in all, though Mickey Avalon objectifies women for their behinds, and apparently has the ability to have intercourse with multiple ladies at the exact same time, it’s undeniable that he has lyrical and rhythmic talent, and his persona is incredibly unique. I, for one, am looking forward to his new album, which, as far as I can tell, has no set release date as of now.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Happy New Year!

Hey, faithful reader, happy 2009. We promise we'll get back into the swing of things and start posting soon. In the meantime, I just had a quick update:

A good chunk of break has been spent trying to listen to all of the music on my iTunes that I hadn't heard before while driving around to see friends. The problem is that I don't seem to be making all that much of a dent.... and of course, that's because I just keep getting albums based on recommendations, and that's kind of my fault, but, you know, whatever. Anyway, some highlights, compliments of

*A lot of classic rock. Right before break, I got a bunch of stuff from bands like the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, and a few other bands that fit under that classic rock label. It made me realize that I not-so-secretly want to be The Dude from The Big Lebowski, driving around, getting involved in kidnapping capers, having sex with Julianne Moore, and listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival all day. It also made me realize that the day that bands like Coldplay are considered to be our "classic rock" will be a very sad day indeed. Le sigh.

*A few albums that leaked that are due for release in 2009. I have these visions of of the RIAA swat team bursting through my door as I write this, but there's no proof that I won't go out and buy them anyway afterwards, right?


Anyway, thanks to the leak of Merriweather Post PavilIion, I now understand that there was another reason why I didn't recognize half of Animal Collective's set during All Points West... you know, other than the fact that I found myself struggling to keep from passing out. Whoops. In a related story, I'm really into the song "Summertime Clothes" from this album.

*12/29/08: While on my way to meet up with friends in Philly, I decided to put on Ready to Die by the Notorious B.I.G., cause I hadn't heard it yet. About ten minutes in, it was suddenly 1994, and I realized that this was, indeed, the "blackest" moment I had ever had. I celebrated by immediately taking a hand off the steering wheel, slouching in my seat, robbing a ho, and beating up a second ho while having sex with a third. Oh, and I haven't smiled in a picture since. By the way, this moment will be rivaled when I finally get a chance to listen to The Chronic and Straight Outta Compton.

I now get why rap was so big in the '90s, and my belief that good mainstream rap is largely dead has been reaffirmed.

Anyway, back to 2009. I was at a party with my friends, and right after midnight, as is usually the custom, somebody put on "The New Year" by Death Cab for Cutie. Now, I actually like the song... but it'd be awesome if my friends could stop hearing it like it's especially poignant.

I guess I should count my blessings. It could be "Happy New Year" by ABBA. Yikes.

Anyway, as it's now 3 in the morning, I suppose I should head off to bed. But again, happy new year to all, and we here at TDoFS (is it rude to speak for Kristina in this case?) hope it's a great one.