Monday, February 23, 2009

Busta Rhymes, mad genius.

Have you ever made a commitment and regretted making it a short time later, but were stuck with it? I promise this is relevant, and I'll get to it in a little bit. Just think about it as you're reading this. In the meantime, I present you with this:

It makes me sad that I'm seeing this picture for the first time almost twelve years after it actually happened, cause this one's a gem. One of the people in this picture is the antichrist. Scarily enough, it is not the person on the right.

The person on the left is (homemaking magnate/stock conspirator/actually the devil) Martha Stewart. Since this is a music blog, I guess I shouldn't say much about her, but I will leave this from Newsweek, and let you guys formulate your own opinions:

Wielding a big knife and a look of determination, Martha Stewart kept her head down while chopping cabbage on CBS's "The Early Show" last week. But even in her weekly cooking segment, Martha couldn't escape the insider-trading scandal that's tarnished her homemaking empire. CBS brass warned her beforehand that she had to address the growing controversy if she wanted to come on "The Early Show" to whip up her summer salads. Stewart, after consulting her lawyers, agreed to take questions, but only if she didn't have to leave her kitchen to sit for a separate interview. So with Martha whacking away at the chopping block, anchor Jane Clayson laid out the worsening crisis and attempted to get the domestic diva to explain herself. "This will all be resolved in the very near future and I will be exonerated of any ridiculousness," Martha said, rolling her eyes and resuming her cabbage shredding. But Clayson, usually Martha's kitchen helper, continued to grill her. Exasperated, Martha huffed: "I want to focus on my salad."

Contrastingly, the person on the right is (unbelievably fast rapper/actor/certifiably crazy person) Busta Rhymes. In this picture, he's wearing a prettier outfit than Martha. Busta was crazy before Lil' Wayne made it cool.

Ol' Busta has, on separate occasions, been arrested or informally charged with, amongst other things:

*Beating the shit out of a guy stupid enough to spit on his car.
*Beating the shit out of a driver stupid enough to believe that he should be paid for his work.
*And (my personal favorite), while being arraigned on other charges, a district attorney in Manhattan tried to add a weapons charge against him... because he had a MACHETE in his car.

More rappers need to be talking about wielding machetes. Nobody is going to be harder than the guy carrying a machete.

Anyway, here's where that commitment thing comes in: For the entirety of his music career, Busta Rhymes has been making music videos. This in itself isn't strange, but what is is that they are all, almost without exception, the exact same idea.

Yes, most hip-hop videos aren't really deep, I agree. But this is a little different in that it's not really always "Seriously, I'm rich. Look, I have money." That's there, but, umm, Busta's a little stranger than that. The idea is this:

*Put Busta in a ridiculous outfit.
*Let him move around like a crazy person.
*Repeat, sometimes ten or more times in a music video.

Doesn't sound all that substantial, right? But I'm serious. Take ingredients, add water and video hoochies, and stir. Check these out:

"Break Your Neck," 2001

"Light Your Ass on Fire," 2003

"Gimme Some More," 1998

His first single, "Woo Ha," 1996

And then the latest video, "Don't Touch Me (Throw Da Water on 'Em)," for an album coming out in March:

THERE IS NO GROWTH. Here's my theory: When he first started, I have a feeling that Busta wasn't expecting much success. As a result, maybe to a dejected friend or something, he said something along the lines of "Look, if I make it big, you can come up with all the ideas to my videos." Then, he did, and that incredibly uncreative guy called him out on it.

"Alright, in this one, you've got a crazy mustache! And you wave your arms like this!"
"Alright, in this one, you've got a crazy hat! And you wave your arms like this!"
"Alright, in this one, you're red! And you wave your arms like this!"
"Alright, in this one, you're like, umm, Elvis! But like a monkey too! And you..."

Of course, I could be wrong. The man had a machete in his car. He could absolutely be this crazy. But as long as he's this crazy, we'll keep getting videos like this, so, please, don't prescribe him anything. In the meantime, new Busta album in March, which apparently has a song called "Arab Money" on it. One can bet that it isn't gonna be brilliant social commentary.

But in all seriousness, I kind of adore Busta. Never ever leave us.


P.S. Completely unrelated, but the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album leaked, and it's wonderful. Kristina and I both recommend.


  1. Martha loves to get high

    Apparently so does Busta

    They're the same.

  2. What a startling, but not altogether unexpected development: Martha Stewart is Busta Rhymes.