Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Spoiled Kid Problems! Yayyyyyyyyy!

So, I got a big Christmas gift early: an iPhone! The thing is awesome, really. For the past 24 hours, I've just been poking at it to see where it takes me next.

However, I realized soon after I got it that there was no conceivable way that it would hold all of my music. It holds 16 GBs, and after formatting, that number goes down to a little bit over 14 gigs of space. Those of you math majors out there will realize that 42 is bigger than 14, and thus, I find myself with a lot of choices to make.

It was essentially like picking your favorite children, if you hated a good chunk of your children.

So, here are the results. Nothing is ever finalized, obviously, and there's still a tiny bit of room, but for now, here's what I came up with:

*First and foremost, anything that could be played at a hipster party is going to make the cut, in the event that everyone else forgets their iPods. I go to NYU, after all, so hipster cred is a must on this iPhone. As a result, congrats to Girl Talk (2 albums), LCD Soundsystem (2 albums), M.I.A. (2), Junior Senior (2), Crystal Castles, Dan Deacon, Justice, MGMT, Yelle, and Ratatat (one apiece).

This also extends to dance music that I like that I think could be background music at a party, but I guess I was decidedly less lenient in letting these in. Congrats to Prodigy, Fatboy Slim, and Simian Mobile Disco with an album apiece.

*Bands and artists that I consider to be my favorite (or most-played) are certainly going to have more representation. As a result, Beck, the Beatles, , The Shins, and Spoon have their entire discographies on there. That also goes for a few other bands, whose discographies I don't own, but still really, really like: The Decemberists (five albums including The Tain), The Hold Steady (four albums), Modest Mouse (four), The Hives (three), Interpol (three), Man Man (three), and the Pixies (three).

The actual top two on my (Radiohead and Elliott Smith) will be addressed later on.

*Any band that I really liked from age 12 gets the benefit of the doubt. What this means is that they get any album that I really liked at the time, plus one album past their prime. See: Weezer (later on in the entry), The Hives, The Foo Fighters.

Then came the decisions. Some of the results (complete with a ratings system based on how many albums of the artist that I own):

*Weezer owes me an apology for the Red Album. What happened? The album may have been so bad that I retroactively disliked them more, if that makes sense. As a result, the first three of their six albums make it. Sorry, Maladroit, three out of six scorchos.

*After seeing The National live, I liked them way, way more than I did before, resulting in me getting all four of their albums. Then, I realized... the gap in quality between their first album and their last three is ridiculous. The first album not only didn't make the cut, I actually deleted it off of my iTunes completely. Three out of four slow shows.

*The Flaming Lips. Eight albums? No way. Compilations are a no-no too. After an intense debate, Transmissions from the Satellite Heart, Clouds Taste Metallic, The Soft Bulletin, and Yoshimi make the cut. I don't have four iPhones that I can line up next to each other, so there's no way I could put Zaireeka on there. Four out of eight watermelon guns.

Slight consolation prize: for any Lips fans out there (Kristina), I'm trying to make "The W.A.N.D." my ringtone.

*How much terrifying Tom Waits does an iPhone need? There's no way I'd listen to his three hours of boxset without just bringing an iPod around. Rain Dogs wins, as does Bone Machine. Two out of four big black mariahs.

*As for Radiohead? I'll never listen to Pablo Honey on my iPhone anytime soon. I may never listen to Pablo Honey again. There's not even really a reason for Pablo Honey to exist. Six out of seven iron lungs.
Same goes for Roman Candle and From a Basement... for Elliott, and I can't think of a time that i'll listen to New Moon without having my iPod on me. Four out of seven ballads of big nothing.

This went on for a while. Bloc Party makes it with their debut and nothing else, Aesop Rock doesn't get all of his albums on, Blur manages to sneak one in while the others are left in the cold, etc. I eventually started to envision the bands trying to plead their cases.

'Uh, we're Wolf Parade. We're on the list.'
'Oh yeah, there you are. Your first album is awesome! Your second album isn't great. Come on in, uhh, half of you.'
'Wait! We've all got other bands too! Sunset Rubdown, Handsome Furs, Swan Lake, Frog Eyes... can they come in?'
' Not all of them. Dan, you and your wife can come, she's really cute and plays a mean drum machine. Spencer, you get your choice of one Sunset Rundown bandmate, not all of them. Your Frog Eyes guys are staying outside... and who the FUCK is Swan Lake?'"

I put way too much thought into this.

At any rate, I realized how spoiled I was and how stupid the selection process was a little while in, and as a result the picks got thrown in pretty haphazardly towards the end.

So to borrow from Burn After Reading:

CIA Superior: So what did we learn from this?
CIA Officer: Um... I don't know.
CIA Superior: I don't fuckin' know either.

...Happy Holidays to all! Underneath is a playlist with a couple of songs (all eighteen minutes of The Tain, if you can get through it!) and hopefully a Christmas track or two if I can find them. As for me, I've gotta get into the holiday spirit by watching Ichii the Killer and A Christmas Story, back to back. Adios!

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